Just one of the guys?

I had someone tell me that I"m just one of the guys....in some ways yes and in some ways no. But then I do realize that I get a long with guys a lot better nowadays and I came to several conclusions regarding this. 1.) Guys speak their minds more - I find that most guys (not all) are quite extroverted, they usually just say whatever that's on their minds and they don't care as much of what people think. 2.) Guys are less judgemental- Along with number 1.) I feel like its easier to share about issues and talk about things with them, they just say what they think and you don't get a long pause of nothing. 3.) Guys take things more lightly: there is a difference between the way women and men perceive things. Somehow us women always think more than we ought to. Thinking there is something behind things when there isn't. Guys just laugh it off and move on to the next thing.

I also tend to get along with other women who speaks their minds more. I don't like mind games, they make me feel so uncomfortable. I know that you can't (and shouldn't) display to everyone what you're thinking ALL the time because everyone needs their space. Yet some people just make me feel uneasy for being too quiet or they give you this long look and you have no idea what they're thinking about nor do they tell you.

It also depends on my comfort zone too. I'm cool chilling with my christian guy friends but guys who are non-christian, they can make me feel a little more uncomfortable just by the things that they talk about. Usually though, I'm the most comfortable when my boyfriend is present as well.

But you know, I'm not giving up on women (HAHAHAH) as in friendships. In highschool, all my friends were girls, the guys I found was a little too immature. We were pretty close-nit mostly because we all spoke whatever that's on our minds. Then again, that takes time to develop to that level. I'm starting to see that there are a lot of sisters out there that do have the characteristics that I prefer in my friendships or even a combination of both. I mean, a person can still be quiet and not be judgemental at the same time. (I know an amazing sister like that). And of course there are some things you can only tell the girls about too :)

Heheh...just some interesting thoughts ;)

Better but still want to move on

I'm still thinking of looking for another job opportunity. It has been a hellish year, the workplace is changing with new management and people. But at the end of the day, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Yesterday actually marked my 1st year anniversary at my workplace. If anything, I'm still quite burned out from everything that I had to deal with at work. Ideally, I hope to get another job and have a whole month (or two) break before I start it. I think I really need that time to fully rejuvenate from all the stress that I had to go through all this time. I need some more time to de-stress and refigure out some things in my life. I get so tired from work sometimes that I don't even have the energy to comtemplate on anything. Its officially been 2 years since I"ve gotten out of school and I definitely learned a whole lot during that time. I still think its time for me to move on though in terms of my career, I just hope and pray that God will lead me there.

Moving out
Before I got my car, i actually considered several options for my independence. I was actually really excited about possibly moving out. People say that its better to have a roommate and such but to be brutally honest, I'm really picky about who I live with. And even during my search, I haven't really found anyone whom I feel is suitable and comfortable to live with. I could foresee all the drama with the person even before I even lived with them :D I'm an extremely private person when it comes to my living style. I don't like it when people bring others over, it feels like they are invading my space. I wouldn't say I'm a private person I guess, more like someone who really needs my space, lots of space. I might be even a little selfish because I don't think I'd mind if I bring people over but in the little corner of my mind, I had a feeling that ppl will take advantage and veg at my place whenever they're around. I really don't want to deal with that.

After searching and failing to find a suitable apartment/condo and looking at the range of places and the cost. It was way too much for me to move out. Rent is way expensive (unless you want to settle for a ghetto apartment) but that's not counting the transportation and living expenses. That would've taken a dent in my wallet. Plus, there was no way that I was going to get a mortgage. That's too much burden to carry at this stage of my life. So at the end, I had to make the better yet still difficult choice of putting my investment in a car. My 'rents are still a little protective of my new car still, they keep getting paranoid about it. I mean, I see where they're coming from but sometimes, I think they just over worry about it (what else is new). After purchasing it, I havn't regret it one bit despite what everyone says or thinks. Its been pretty great actually, to be more independent to a certain extent, not having to get into fights about using the car. I'm now able to go to places without having to worry about rides. Its quite a great relief. It wasn't easy but I thank God for it.

That's it for now. On an unrelated note: I really hate womanizers.

Summer Conference and other updates

Came back from Summer Conference over the weekend. This time around, I finally lent my voice for the Singspiration team. I haven't done singspiration in such a long time. And if you really know me, you'd know how much I love singing and music in general. Growing up, music was an important part of me, it was a little world where I can express my inmost feelings through song. Music was there through the upbeat, gloomy and completative times. What can I say? Music is good rain or shine and it kept my adrenaline going during those late study nights.

Leading singspiration was actually a lot more challenging than I initially thought. I mean, Its been such a long time. I was so determined to get the songs right but there are always issues that I cannot foresee. I would say, I was the most inexperienced one and let me tell ya, that wasn't easy to begin with. I felt like the rest of my bandmates was speaking another language sometimes, and I had to try hard to keep up with them. But I'm happy to say that I've become more of a patient person so I kind of had this "bite me" attitude where I'll just take in whatever comes and learn as much as I could. The important thing is to listen to the things you can learn from and let the unnecessary talk pass. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't but by God's Grace, He kept me alive. I was kind of determined, so I wasn't about to give up.

What I did learn from these past few years was to analyze what my gifts are and to use all of my energy to serve God with it. Learning what God made you for and living it out is really an amazing and satisfying experience. I learned first hand of how its like to work for God in an area he wants you to work in. It can tire you but its not the same tiredness as you would feel after work when you want to crash. Its the type of tiredness that energizes you with the excitement to keep on going, not knowing where God will take you. I wish I can always be that focused and see that clearly all the time. I really miss that.

New Wheels
So I finally got my first car. It seems so surreal to me still. When I was driving it home from the dealership, I had total mixed feelings. It was a blend of excitement and exhaustion. Who knew buying a car was such hard work! The process of getting one was exhausting. As tough as it was, my dad did step in to help me get a good deal. He was absolutely against it at first (as always) but I wasn't about to give up. There were so many details and paper work involved in purchasing a car. If you are not careful, you can end up paying more than you ought to. I still wouldn't say I"m completely free right now. As long as I'm home, my 'rents still has a leash on me. But throughout this rough year, I did learn that having my 'rents around is supposedly not so bad. I'm still waiting for the day that I'm completely free though.....free to make my own decisions, free from their constant nagging and criticism. AAAhhhh......that's the life.

My first post in a LONG time.....

So I've been a hermit for the past year or two. What has happened to the beloved pegz these past 2 years? Let's just say, there was the good, the bad and the ugly. A lot of new experiences, new friends, old friends, testing of my faith, and most importantly, transitioning into adulthood and adjusting into the working world.

So how was life after school ended? You know, its pretty freakin good! The thought of no more exams, going to classes, pullling all those all-nighters and freaking out about grades is completely wonderful! You can finally say to yourself..."the war has ended". But little did I know.....it was the beginning of another war, metaphorically speaking.

The working world definitely has its advantages, you get income flowing in, 'work to rule' - no more homework! You can have the evenings to yourself and such. Seems pretty good but of course, i'm just skipping to the good part. Let's not forget about the part where you had to hunt for a job and all those issues that arises while at the job. There's the long commute, there's the work politics and there's the never-ending pile of work that keeps arriving at your desk. That really sucks the life out of the fun eh? I would say so.

We may have our evenings free but after a long day's work, you can barely move. Someone has to actually drag you out of the house to really do something (for me at least). In addition, you can't stay out for too long because you have to wake up tomorrow morning and its another LONG day. So basically, you only have a few hours to yourself before your day starts all over again. What exactly do I have time for? How do you maintain your relationships? How do you maintain your spiritual life when you're bombarded with work? Spare time has now become.....a luxury.

I miss those summer days.......those days when I had a summer. When I had the time to read a good book with a nice cold iced-tea. Life has become the "B" word........haha....."Busy". Aside from work.......you have a life. That's why you feel like just doing it all. You don't want to miss out on anything! You want to make the most out of your life and time. Because you want to do everything.....you slowly and slowly burn out........

By God's grace, I haven't been burnt to a crust.......yet :) I've been burned......but not to a crust :D I'm still figuring out why we want to cram in so much when we're in our twenties. I don't know where that idea generated from. I mean, its still the beginning of our lives, really. I don't think God has intended for us to accomplish the most for him only at this age. I'm still figuring that out. I want to think differently, I want to live differently.

The biggest lesson that i've learned and still learning is, to cut the fat out of our lives. To focus on living out our Life's purpose. The reason why we feel burned out is because we do a lot more than what God initially intended for us. And if you're a control freak like me, we like to do everything ourselves.......we just have to learn to...."let go".

I think that's enough for my first post. More to come. Blogger world......I'm back.....